Once a fighter, always a fighter

Peter Estrop (63) was diagnosed in 2020, at 60

Still a fighter at heart

My name is Estrop Ronald Peter Hugh, but I’m known to friends and family as Peter. I am 63 years old, and I  am living with dementia. By no means has this journey been easy or straightforward. However, with my wife  Evon by my side and with support from the community,  there is much I find happiness in these days.

I cycle regularly, tend to our houseplants, and walk our beloved dachshund, Camo. I spend time with my family, especially my dearest granddaughters, Maia and Maesi. Their love reminds me every day that I may have been dealt a tough hand, but I am strong enough to face whatever comes my way, head-on. Together with Evon, I am embracing my golden years on our terms.  This is my story.

A fulfilling career

I joined the 1st Commando Battalion of the Singapore  Armed Forces (SAF) on 17 January 1978 and was enlisted as a National Service (Conscription Order) soldier. That marked the start of my 37-year career with the SAF. The journey definitely had its ups and downs, but I loved every second of it. I was part of a professional unit and had steadfast teammates I  could rely on. In 2003, I was awarded “The Efficiency  Medal” and “The Long Service Medal” – two glorious testaments to my mettle.

It was indeed with immense pride and joy that I  served the nation all those years. I was also extremely fortunate to have the support of my wife, Evon, especially whenever I was overseas. She would single-handedly hold the fort and care for our four children. Never once did she call me during those periods – no matter the situation, she would handle it. All she would  tell me was, “Take care of the boys and yourself, train well, and be safe.”

I retired from uniform service as a Commanding Officer of the Special Operations Tactics Centre with the Rank of Chief Warrant Officer. I was then given the opportunity to work at the SAFTI Military Institute, in a  unit called the Institute for Military Learning. There, life was good, and my work was fulfilling. Little did I know that a huge upheaval was on the horizon.

Life threw me a curveball

It started with the little things. I would have uncontrollable mood swings, which would leave me snapping at Evon for no apparent reason. I would want to head to the supermarket but could not recall how to get there. This was confusing and frustrating, and I knew that it was the same for Evon.

In late 2020, I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. It was the biggest shock of my life, and nothing could have prepared me for it. I had always been active and health conscious. It didn’t make any sense. Evon cried when I  received the diagnosis, perhaps because of how daunting the future suddenly seemed, or maybe it was regret and anger at having chosen to delay our retirement, placing work first our entire lives. The months that followed were filled with denial and grieving. We had no idea how to cope.

The turning point

Through a medical referral, we were introduced to  Dementia Singapore and in particular, its Voices for  Hope (VFH) program, which aims to bring people with dementia and their care partners on a self-advocacy journey through empowerment. At VFH, we meet others on a similar path to ours and it was very good to know we were not alone. It was through VFH that we also finally got the much-needed information and answers we so desperately sought. This really helped us move forward on our journey together as care partners.

VFH instilled in me the confidence to go out and share my story with others. This helps diminish the stigma surrounding the disease and also helps others who are newly diagnosed, so they can know that despite dementia,  life can still be purposeful and enjoyable.

Stepping up, speaking up

Today, Evon and I are extremely active in the dementia community, lending our voices to make a difference. We have committed to being advocates for those impacted by the condition and have, by invitation, shared our lived experiences with corporate audiences, community events and even at a local school. We have taken part in focus group and panel discussions. This includes a post-film panel discussion following the launch of a film titled  ‘1000 Cranes’ by Dementia Singapore, as part of World  Alzheimer’s Day. During a focus group discussion with the Housing & Development Board of Singapore, we also shared our views and recommendations on how to make public housing more dementia inclusive.

Recently, we appeared on Singapore’s news channels.  This included an 8 World Spotlight on early onset dementia, and a CNA two-part documentary titled “Sing to  Remember: Defying Dementia”. In the latter, together with  8 other people living with dementia and their care partners,  we trained as a choir, then put on a Christmas Concert in Orchard Road, Singapore’s busiest shopping street.  Through such efforts, we continue to prove that even with dementia, we are living life to its fullest.